Today was a beautiful day in Cape Town so I thought, why not make the most of it and hit the beach, what's the worst that could happen? I piled up all my necessary beachy equipment (in other words, my cellphone, my iPod, my towel and book) into the car, grabbed my baby brother (Yes, I was babysitter for the day) fetched my grandmother (well you didn't think I would do it ALONE did you??) and made a mission to one of Cape Town's many beautiful beaches. Upon our arrival, we found an nice location close to the water and settled down for the long and lovely day ahead. After a while, naturally I began to become quite hot and flustered so decided to make the inevitable trip to the water. I waded in and after becoming used to the icy water, dove in and swam out.
Now, as one does when emerging from the water (I hope it's not just me), I tried to pictrure myself from the beach sitters view. I had a scene playing out in my head where I appeared like a James Bond girl, the role Halle Berry played in that atrocious orange bikini. I thought I could re-enact that scene emerging from the water, dripping wet, make-up intact, looking like a natural star, a complete beaut. So I slicked back my hair and began to get up and walk towards the shore, putting on what I hoped to be a sultry, "I'm just casually emerging from the waves but look like a total babe" look. Naturally, karma had other ideas. You bastard.
I noted that I WAS drawing a few looks and decided to work with it, walking slower and smiling at on-lookers. I noticed a group of men staring and one pointed me out. I obviously thought my role was working QUITE well, I'd never received this much attention! So I thought it best to take on the demure look and smile whilst looking down, avoiding eye contact. It was at this precise moment in time that I noticed a most horrific sight. Without my knowledge (I swear it), my entire bikini top had become crumpled and slipped off my womanly assests during my mermaid impression of diving under the waves (don't mock me, I KNOW you do it too). Now as you are all aware, fellow readers, this is always a most compromising position for ANY girl, but what made this situation far, far worse was my sweet and oh so naive innocent grandmother.
"aah yeh!" she shrieked in her noticeably thick French accent, "My baby, your breastets are on show for everybody! We are not in Europe my daahling, you must cover your little boobies!" She then proceeded to mutter to herself in french before running over with a towel and trying to throw it at me even though I was still at least a metre out in the water and waving at her desperatley to turn around whilst slowly swimming under the water once again.
Needless to say, we made a hasty departure once I was brave enough to submerge from the water (this was an hour later when my toes had started to turn a suspicious shade of blue and I was absolutely certain the group of male individuals had dispersed).
Thank you OH SO wonderful mother nature and your cousin Karma for lving up to reputaton and wreaking havoc on my life. Kindest Regards.
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